


Heartache

by kj5366



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Emotionally Hurt Magnus Bane, Human AU, Hurt Alec, Hurt Alec Lightwood, I apologize in advance, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm sorry..., Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Major Illness, Mundane Alec Lightwood, Mundane Magnus Bane, Sad Ending, Sick Alec Lightwood, and summaries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-02
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2020-01-01 01:55:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18326324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kj5366/pseuds/kj5366
Summary: Magnus Bane is cheated on by his boyfriend. Through all the heartache, Alec Lightwood is there to comfort him and pick up the broken pieces. Alec becomes Magnus's rock and safe haven as he helps Magnus overcome his past lover. As they spend more time with each other, they gradually develop deep feelings for each other, feelings that stretch beyond just simple friendship. They even later adopt a small little kitty together. But Alec is keeping a huge secret. One that Magnus might never get over.





	1. Woolsey Scott

**Author's Note:**

> Oh my goodness, guys, I'm so nervous posting this fic...!! I wrote this a while ago sometime near February this year, but I never had the courage to post this because I am not that confident when it comes to writing! However, I decided to override this fear and post it anyway! Please go easy on me! This truly is one of the first fics I've ever written. I wrote this fic a while ago so the story itself is already finished and written; however, I plan to revise as well as maybe add some scenes along the way, thus the chapters, or else this would've been a one-shot! I also apologize for any grammatical errors that you might catch! Without further ado, I hope you enjoy the fic!!

“I hate you! Leave me alone!!”

Magnus ran down the school corridors with tears in his eyes. Everyone’s attention in the hallways turned to him. They stared at him as if he was a lunatic. However, Magnus couldn’t care less what other people thought of him because at this moment it felt like his world was slowly crumbling down.

 

***a few hours earlier***

 

 **_Ding_ ** _!_

Just then a text message alert rang through his phone. Magnus quickly took out his phone to see who it was.

As he checked the message Magnus broke into a wide smile seeing that it was his best friend Alec texting him.

 

 

**Alexander: Hey Magnus. Where are you? Want to grab some lunch? I want to talk to you about something.**

**Magnus: Sure let me just tell Woolsey something real quick, and I’ll meet you at the entrance!**

**Alexander: Sounds good.**

 

Magnus then set off to find his boyfriend to inform him about a possible date night later on in the week. As Magnus walked down the dorm corridors, he was shocked to see two people in his boyfriend’s dorm room.

Magnus slammed the door open only to see his boyfriend and the infamous campus bitch Camille kissing. They both turned, and Woolsey immediately pushed Camille away from him.

“I can’t be here anymore,” Magnus muttered as he quickly left the room with all the hurt showing in his beautiful eyes.

“Magnus! WAIT! IT’S A MISUNDERSTANDING” Woolsey yelled as he chased after Magnus.

 

***

 

Magnus sprinted to the one and only place he felt safe.

It was the abandoned warehouse in the far west side of Idris University. As soon as he entered the rundown building. Magnus slid down against the wall and started crying into his knees. Words couldn’t express how upset he was about the recent turn of events. It felt like his heart was breaking in half. Despite that, each tear that escaped from his eyes comforted his slowly crumbling heart.

Hours had passed until Magnus had finally run out of tears to cry. He sat there in utter silence. Broken and hurt.

“Magnus?” said a voice Magnus knew all too well.

Magnus looked up to see Alec walk in through the warehouse door.

“Alexander…” he mumbled miserably.

His best friend turned to him and took in Magnus’s miserable state. After locking the warehouse door, Alec instantly rushed to Magnus's side, kneeling down next to him.

“Oh my god, Mags. Are you alright? What happened?” Alec asked in a worried tone.

Magnus no longer had the strength to answer and explain what had happened. Alec reached out and pulled Magnus into a warm hug.

 “It’s okay. Everything’s going to be okay. Whatever happened, I’ll be right here for you.” Alec mumbled gently.

It was then when Magnus broke down once more. Tears streamed down his face as he cried into Alec’s neck until he finally managed to calm himself down enough to talk.

 

“How’d you know where I’d go?” Magnus asked.

“Come on don’t underestimate me. I’m your best friend, if anyone knows where you’d go, it’s me” Alec said with a wide grin on his face.

Then quickly his face fell grim, “So tell me what happened.”

Magnus took a deep breath and explained, “I saw Woolsey with Camille kissing. Then when he saw me, he started making a bunch of excuses, but I really couldn’t bear it much longer, so I ran to the warehouse to calm myself down.”

“He did what? Ima go kick his dumb fuc-”

Magnus quickly interrupted, “Don’t. It’ll only cause you trouble if you get involved.”

Though Alec looked absolutely furious, he sighed and pulled Magnus into another comforting hug.

 

Suddenly there was a loud bang on the warehouse door. “Magnus! MAGNUS!! Please hear me out!!!” Woolsey yelled from the outside.

“Leave Woolsey. He doesn’t want to face you right now.” Alec said in a frighteningly calm tone, but Magnus could see he was steaming with anger because his fists were clenched impossibly tight together.

 

**_BANG!_ **

 

Woolsey finally had enough and kicked the door open and ran up to Magnus and grabbing his shoulders.

“What the heck do you think you’re doing?! Let go!!” He screamed.

“No. Please let me explain! I won’t let you leave me, Magnus!”

“You’re the one who left me first! For her! All those times we laughed and spent time together. Did those times mean nothing to you?! How could you do this to me?” Magnus said glaring deathly daggers at him.

Suddenly a hand ripped Woolsey’s hand away from his shoulders. Alec punched Woolsey in the square of his face.

“Don’t touch him. Don’t talk to him. Don’t even look at him. You lost that right.” Alec growled in a low underlying threatening tone.

Woolsey, however, not planning on standing down or taking on the assault punched Alec right back.

“Stay out of it. You don’t even know the whole story.” They both scowled at each other, looking as if they were ready to pounce at each other at any moment.

 

“STOP!!!!” Magnus yelled.

 

Both of them turned to him looking shocked.  

“Please leave Woolsey. Please just go.” Magnus muttered quietly as he walked away slowly with tears streaming down his face.

Immediately Woolsey's face fell looking absolutely soul-crushed by Magnus’ outburst.

“Magnus..” he started again.

“Leave.”

After a few painfully long seconds had passed, Woolsey finally turned around and walked out the door. Magnus then took a deep breath trying to control his breathing from all the tears, though it was proving to be quite difficult.

 

Alec stood beside him, not knowing how to help his hurting friend. It pained him that he couldn’t really do anything for him except mutter a few words of comfort and encouragement.

About half an hour had passed before Magnus was finally able to control his tears and emotions to a certain degree. The aching pain had not gone away in the least, but getting over someone you trusted takes time. Magnus slowly rose from his tilted state and straightened his posture. Alec looked at his friend worriedly.

“Magnus. Are you okay? Are you feeling a bit better?”

Magnus turned to his best friend and gave him a small smile. Despite all that happened Magnus was super grateful to have his rock with him. Alec had always been there for him ever since middle school, and nothing has changed. However, Magnus no longer had the strength to talk or go over what happened today.

“Yeah. I feel a bit better than before, but I just want to go home, Alexander.”

Alec immediately understood the subtext behind his friend’s words. He understood Magnus perfectly to the extent that probably Alec himself does not realize.

“Let’s go then. I’ll drive you. You've never looked so terrible Mags.” He chuckled as he made a horrible attempt at a joke.

Magnus let out a small chuckle appreciating Alec’s effort in trying to lift the tension in the air.

 

The car ride to Magnus’ apartment was fairly silent but not awkward. In the strangest way, the silence consoled him. There’s just something about Alec’s presence that always managed to comfort and make him feel safe.

After a few minutes, Alec pulled up into the driveway of Magnus’ apartment complex. Magnus got out of the car and turned to look at Alec through the window of the car.

“Thank you, Alexander. For everything.”

Alec smiled at Magnus. “You’re welcome. You know you can always talk to me about anything right Magnus?”

“Of course. I’ll see you later.” Magnus replied with a soft smile.

 

Alec watched as Magnus turned away and disappeared into the building. Just as Alec was about to start the engine and drive away, he grabbed his chest and grimaced from the sudden pain that attacked him.

 _“My problem can wait. Magnus cannot handle the truth right now. He has too much on his mind.”_ he thought to himself.

He grunted as the pounding in his chest grew more and more intense. After a few more minutes, the pain finally subsided. Breathing heavily, Alec started the car and headed home.


	2. Takeout

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super short chapter guys!! Will update more tomorrow~!

***a few days later***

Magnus woke up to the sound of someone ringing the bell to his apartment.  
He groaned in annoyance wanting nothing more than to just stay in bed the entire day. Magnus had been holed up in his apartment for the past few days, not having the energy to face his problems.

*** flashback to a few days ago ***  
One day after the whole mess, Woolsey started calling him relentlessly. He also left a series of voicemails trying to explain what had happened. Woolsey claimed that Camille had come to his room because she needed to discuss something “urgent” with him, but she suddenly grabbed him and started kissing him. Magnus decided enough was enough and called Woolsey back to inform him that whether or not he meant for the make-out session to happen, it really hurt him, and he couldn’t bear to be in a relationship with him much longer.  
Though Woolsey sounded truly sorry and depressed by the outcome Magnus had come to, he accepted it and told Magnus that he wouldn’t bother him anymore.  
*** end of flashback ***

Nevertheless, Magnus managed to drag himself out of bed and head toward the intercom. Shocked to see Alec by the door, he quickly walked to the door and opened it.  
“Alexander!” he said looking shocked but in a good way. “What are you doing here?”  
Alec grinned as he held up a large bag of takeout, “I thought you could use some Taki’s to make your day a little bit brighter!”  
Magnus broke into a huge smile as he let Alec in. “Of course, you know how much I love Taki’s”  
It was amazing how Alec always managed to bring light and laughter into his life even in the darkest of times.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Liked it? Loved it? Hated it? Please tell me how you felt about the chapter!!😁


	3. Chairman Meow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, friends~!! New chapter here! I was thinking of uploading a new chapter every single day since the story is technically already written! Hope y'all enjoy this chapter~!!

It was truly a miracle that Alec stayed along Magnus’s side even after witnessing how much of a mess Magnus had become after the breakup. However, gradually as minutes, hours, and days passed with Alec by his side, Magnus felt truly alive again.

They had spent time with each other nearly every single day since. After a couple of nights of hanging out at Magnus’s apartment, Alec finally managed to drag him out of his “mancave” you could say. It was unbelievable how happy Alec made him feel. He had never felt this kind of joy. Spending time with his dear Alexander had become like ecstasy, like a drug; Magnus could never get enough.

 

***

 

_Ring!_

 

The doorbell rang throughout Magnus’ home.

He groggily stood up and walked towards the door. To Magnus’ delight, on the other side of the door was Alec with his usual gorgeous smile.

“Hey, Magnus! Want to go for a walk?” he asked.

Excitedly he answered, “Sure! Just a moment I’ll go get dressed.” Magnus quickly splashed water in his face as he raced to his closet to pick out a presentable outfit to go outside in.

As Magnus slowly walked towards Alec, who was waiting in the living room, whispered in a barely audible voice.  “You look nice..”

A blush crept on to Magnus’ face in an instant.

“What?” Magnus asked, pretending as though he hadn’t heard what Alec just said.

“It’s nothing!” Alec quickly answered cheeks turning rosy pink.

“Okay then. Let’s go.”  Magnus said in a hurry, not wanting him to notice his red face.

 

As they walked down the street, Magnus noticed Alec seemed a bit weird. His smile seemed a bit different from usual. It seemed a bit melancholy. Alec also looked a bit more tired than usual.

Concerned Magnus asked, “Alexander, you okay? You seem kind of exhausted.”

“Oh, I’m fine. Don’t worry about it. I just stayed up a little late that’s why.” Alec answered quickly dismissing his concerns.

Magnus was not entirely convinced, but he trusted that if Alec said he was fine then he is fine. They walked to Madison Square Park to exercise and relax for a bit. Until Magnus noticed a brown cardboard box with holes on top placed on the side of the road near the street light. He walked over to the box and opened it, only to find a tiny small cute little Russian Blue kitty. Amazed, he called Alec over to the box.

He peered down on it. “How adorable,” he commented.

“I really want to help it but my apartment complex doesn’t allow us to keep animals,”  Magnus muttered miserably.

 “How about we take it to my loft?” Alec asked.

“You don’t mind?” he asked with uncertainty.

“Yeah, it’s fine. My house is quite spacious so it’ll be a fresh change of pace to have the little fluffball stay with me.”

 

So they took the little kitty to Alec’s loft. Alec’s house seemed mostly empty. There was barely any furniture to be seen. As soon as the kitty was set free within the loft, he stalked into the room as if he had already owned the place.

Alec smiled lovingly at the small critter. Despite his size, Alec could tell that the kitten was feisty and had a unique character.

Magnus looked around the house. It was his first time in Alexander’s home, but there was barely any stuff in the first place. The house was decorated into a very simple and modern looking house. The walls were decorated in a classic black, white, and beige colored paint. The living room consisted of a TV, a couch, and a small coffee table. In the bedroom, there was only a single bed and book stand with a walk-in closet. The kitchen looked extremely new as if it had never been used before.

“Wow, your apartment seems pretty...empty?”

“Haha, yeah I don’t really need or keep much stuff.” He answered shyly, scratching the back of his head in a nervous gesture.

“Nothing wrong with that at all, but that does remind me we should buy the kitten some cat products. Alexander! Let’s go shopping for our new little friend! He’s part of the family now!” Magnus said excitedly.

Alec chuckled and suggested, “We should probably give him a name first.”

After thinking for a while, Alec suggested, “How about Chairman Meow? The name reflects his fiery chairman-like personality.”  

“Okay, I like it! Let’s take him to the pet store and get Chairman some food and a home to sleep in,” he replied smiling.

Magnus and Alec went down to the pet store with Chairman Meow and bought him some chicken cans and milk to eat and drink. They also bought him a gorgeous bed, cute toys, and a spacious litter box. For the first time in a while, Magnus felt a spark of happiness with Alec and their new friend Chairman Meow. Laughing and joking around came naturally to them and it was a nice feeling.

 

They continued to laugh and make jokes as they headed towards the car to load all the pet products. Suddenly, Alec grasped his chest grunting and wincing as if he was in great pain, dropping all the bags in his hands and thus almost dropping Chairman, who had been resting peacefully on his shoulder, in the process.

 “Alexander? What’s wrong?” Magnus frantically asked.

“It’s okay. I just felt nauseous for a second. Don’t worry about it, Magnus. Let’s go home.” He said quickly with a slight grimace.

Magnus frowned. It didn’t look like Alec was nauseous, it looked more like he was in a great deal of pain. Worried greatly, Magnus followed him outside. However, it seemed like Alec didn’t want to talk about it so Magnus decided to drop the conversation. Surely Alec would have told him if he suspected that it was something really serious.

Alec dropped off Magnus in front of his house.

Magnus smiled and quickly said, “I’ll visit you and Chairman Meow tomorrow! Goodnight Alec!”

“Night Mags!” Alec replied as he watched Magnus walk into the house.

 

Suddenly a wave of pain hit his chest once again, almost making him fall over. He hurried to the backseat of his car to lie down for a moment. The pain remained constant for a few minutes. Chairman Meow, who felt his owner’s painful distress, whimpered and licked his cheek.

He chuckled and said, “Don’t tell Magnus, Chairman.”

Alec closed his eyes and stayed down for a couple more minutes to alleviate the pain in his chest before driving home.

 

The next day, Magnus came over to Alec’s apartment like he had promised. They gave Chairman Meow some food. The chicken-flavored cans, that they had bought yesterday, seemed satisfactory based on Chairman’s appetite.

Then Magnus and Alec played around with Chairman Meow for a while until he got tired and slept. Magnus and Alec sat side-by-side each other in comfortable silence staring at sleeping, little Chairman.

Magnus chuckled softly. “It’s like we're looking at a sleeping baby. Chairman is so cute.”

“He sure is. We’re going to love him like he’s our own.” Alec relied with a grin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Liked it? Loved it? Hated it? Please don't hesitate to give me feedback or tell me what you thought of the chapter!!


	4. The Attack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi friends!! New chapter~ I hope y'all enjoy!! :D

Several days had passed after the day they found Chairman. Both Magnus and Alec have grown incredibly fond of the small kitten, spoiling him with every toy and snack possible. Magnus never felt as happy or content with his life like he is now. It became a daily routine for him to come over to Alec’s house and take care of Chairman as well as hang out with Alec. 

By now it was evident that Magnus and Alec had feelings for one another, but neither of them has admitted their feelings just yet. Alec more than anything desired to express all his feelings for Magnus, but he was keeping a huge secret from Magnus that might ultimately change the nature of their relationship. Alec had this constant underlying fear that Magnus might never look at him the same way ever again, once he knew about his illness.

 _‘Just a little bit longer’_ he thought. _‘Then I will tell him.’_

 It is likely that Magnus would never forgive Alec for keeping this from him and the last thing Alec wanted was for this blissful moment of happiness to go away. On numerous occasions, Alec contemplated on whether or not he should confess his feelings for Magnus; however, ultimately always came to the same conclusion.

 _'No.'_ Alec thought. 'I _don’t have much time anyway. Confessing now would only make the pain last even longer. I’m doing this for him.'_

Alec often repeated these thoughts to himself, trying to convince himself that he was doing the right thing. That he was doing this for Magnus. But the soul-crushing guilt came rushing back each time Magnus’s eyes shone with worry for Alec.

 

***

 

Chairman Meow grew significantly in weeks and months’ time, which seemed to fly by. Alec, as usual, still has his occasional sudden chest pains which happened more often than not. Alec continued to keep his illness a secret from Magnus. Although he tries his best to keep it from Magnus, the heavy wheezes and pants were getting harder and harder to conceal as the pains came in more often waves now. Alec’s sudden chest pains obviously worried Magnus a great deal, and whenever they occurred Magnus urged Alec to go to the hospital and get it checked out. However, Alec would always brush it off and insist that he’s fine. Magnus, though unconvinced, didn’t push the matter much further, not wanting to upset Alec.

 

***

 

“AGHH!!!!” Alec screamed writhing in agony.

He squirmed desperately praying for the pain to subside quickly. It was 8:00 AM, and Alec’s cries of pain echoed throughout his currently empty loft. This was one of the worst attacks he felt in a while and this frightened him. Alec could tell more than anyone that his time was almost up. The pains came more often now, and it seemed as if he either got immune to his weekly medication or his illness had already progressed too far beyond for the medication to take effect. After a few painstaking moments, he managed to push himself up off his bed.

Panting heavily, he weakly stumbled to the kitchen reaching for a glass of water.

_Ding!_

Hearing the familiar bell from his phone, he immediately grabbed it.

 

**Magnus: Good morning Alexander! I’ll come over later to see Chairman, and I was thinking we could have a movie night or something? :D**

Alec smiling widely, the pain quickly forgotten, typed…

 

 **Alec: I’d love that.** **😊**

 **Magnus: Great, I look forward to it! See you tonight!!** **😉**

At that moment, Alec immediately stumbled once more involuntarily dropping his water glass as another wave of pain hammered in his chest. Grabbing his chest fiercely, he prayed for this to not be the end.

 _‘Please not yet’_ he thought desperately.

Minutes passed, seeing as that the pain did not completely subside, the reality of his possible imminent death hit him like a brick wall. The thought that he could actually really die without any proper warning.

Alec’s heart filled with panic as he raced to his desk to pull out a piece of paper. Scared out of his mind that he might go without being able to say goodbye or talk to Magnus properly one last time. The thought of not being able to tell him that Alec had fallen inescapably in love with him hurt more than any physical pain that racked throughout his whole body.

Holding a pen shakily in his hands, he started writing, putting all his feelings down on a paper, fearing as though this might be the very last time… That this might be the end. By the time he had finished, he felt the tears streaming down his face from both the emotional and physical agony he had been put through. A few hours later, the pain gradually diminished. Alec slumped forward in exhaustion from all the turmoil that occurred in his body as he slowly closed his eyes falling quickly asleep.


	5. Valentine's Day Eve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi friends~~!!!! Really short chapter today, but I promise that the chapter tomorrow will be much longer! So this chapter is set the day before Valentines Day. There are two parts to the chapter: Alec's POV and Magnus's POV. Also, I hope I don't offend anyone by this fic, it wasn't my intention at all, so please don't waste your time or my time by leaving negative comments!! If you do not like the fic, just click off. ^-^ Anyways, I hope you enjoy the chapter!!

*** **One Week Later on Valentine’s Day Eve (Alec POV)** ***

 

Alec loved Magnus, and it was killing him to lie every single moment they were together. The big scare that Alec had undergone a week ago has really been a wake up call for him. The realization that he would die without ever telling Magnus about his true feelings for him as well as the thought of how much Magnus might feel betrayed by his long-concealed secret truly scared him. Scared him enough to even start writing letters whenever the attacks happened. Always, one last goodbye letter. Then after the pain receded, he would carefully tuck them into his desk drawer. However, Alec finally decided that enough was enough, he would finally tell Magnus the truth about what was going on with him. Though Alec was worried that Magnus would resent him for what he kept from him, Magnus deserved the truth. Tomorrow was Valentine's day, and it would likely be the last one he'd ever experience. Building up enough courage for one day to finally tell Magnus about it all. Tomorrow would finally be the day where Alec confesses his feelings and heart to Magnus and also comes clean to him about his ‘situation,’ even if by doing so, Alec would jeopardizing the entire course of their relationship moving forward.

 

*** **One Week Later on Valentine’s Day Eve (M** **agnus POV)** ***

 

Magnus was ecstatic but also nervous at the same time for tomorrow. He had finally come to the conclusion that he would confess his true feelings to his lovely Alexander. Though he was almost certain by now that Alec feels the same way about him, the feelings of anxiousness never completely left him. Though, there is a slight possibility that Alec might reject him. Magnus knew that Alec certainly had something on his mind or something he hasn’t shared with Magnus. At first, Magnus had brushed it off, but as time passed the gut-wrenching feeling that something might be wrong grew more and more potent. Magnus planned to ask Alec about that tomorrow as well. Whatever it is, Magnus was sure that he would be there for his Alexander and would still love him nonetheless no matter what. Tomorrow could likely become the happiest day of his life. Tomorrow he would ask Alexander Lightwood to be his valentine. 


	6. Heartache

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyoneeeee~~!!! Final chapter here!! I just wanted to warn everyone before reading this fic that in this chapter, there are some medical terms thrown around! Please bear with me through any medical inaccuracies you might find, I am not a doctor and I do not know much... I did the best I could with the help of the mighty google!! Also, this chapter includes Major Character Death, so anyone who needs an extra warning here it is!!
> 
> Finally, I would like to thank all those who left kudos and such lovely comments for this fic!!!

*****Valentine’s Day*****

 

Alec woke up to light shining through his windows. It was a peaceful Monday morning. Alec was prepared for this day. He had gone to the store to grab some last minute, but a well thought-out gift for Magnus. Though he had yet to wrap them, Alec figured that he would have time in the morning to figure everything out.

 _Ring!_ Alec’s phone dinged, letting him know that he had a message from Magnus.

Alec grinned knowing that it was probably Magnus texting him good morning like he has for the past several weeks. Excitedly, Alec reached for his phone to check the message.

 

**Magnus: Alexander! Good morning angel!! 😉😉 Today is Valentine’s day and I was wondering if you’d like to come over and spend the day with me?**

 

Alec felt butterflies in his stomach reading the message. And just he as he was about to answer, his body, more specifically his hands, betrayed him. Alec started shaking uncontrollably, ultimately causing the phone in Alec’s hand to drop with a thud.

 _'Oh no… It’ll pass. It’ll pass..'_ Alec tried to convince himself, but no one knew his body better than himself. Alec knew that his time was up. ' _No… I was going to tell him. I finally gathered up the courage.'_ Alec thought in panic.

“Aghhhh!” Alec cried out in agony. The pains have never been this intense. _“God forbid.”_ He thought as tears welled up in eyes from the pounding in his chest. _“This has got to be my punishment for keeping Magnus in the dark for this long...”_

“Ughhhh!!” Alec shrieked, his muscles tense, tendons showing in his neck from the pressure.

Panting harshly from the poignant hammering in his heart, Alec tried to drag himself out of bed to reach his desk to write, his last real hope at redemption, his last chance to convey the truth. Alec weakly stumbling towards his desk. Unfortunately, the fatigue caught up to him, and Alec stayed unmoving on the ground. A few minutes passed until he woke up to a soft brush against his cheek. Alec struggled to open his eyes as he pushed the remainder of what little strength left in him to force his eyelids open. Chairman Meow had come up next to him, licking his face in loving affection.

Alec smiled weakly and managed to mumble, “H..hey Chairman. I don’t think I will l…last very long. Y…you know what to d…do right? When I’m gone…” pausing to catch his breath, “When I’m gone, you have to be good to Magnus okay?”

Chairman, whimpering, trotted over to Alec, who was on the ground and nuzzled against his side.

 _“Please let Magnus find them.”_ Alec prayed to any god that could hear him. _“I need him to know why...”_ Alec was struggling to breathe by the second. _“Please.”_ Alec thought as he took his final breath and fell forever silent.

 

*****a few hours later*****

 

“Alexander!!! You in there??” Magnus’s voice rang throughout Alec’s spacious loft.

When Magnus received no reply from Alec for hours. Magnus was immensely concerned that something might’ve happened. Their daily texts were a routine that had never once been broken so if there was no reply then there had to be something wrong with Alec.

Magnus continued to bang on the door yelling Alexander’s name, as the underlying fear and desperation kept nagging at his heart.

When he, again, heard no answer, Magnus immediately took out a spare key, that Alec had made for him, and simply inserted the spare key into the keyhole and let himself in.

 

Nothing, and I mean nothing, could’ve prepared Magnus from the shock that befell on him at that moment.

Magnus let himself in and headed straight for the bedroom only to discover that Alec, his Alexander, was lying on the ground motionless.

“ALEXANDER!!” Magnus yelled scrambling ungracefully towards Alec’s spot on the ground.

Panicking, Magnus called the ambulance but it was too late. By that time Alec had already passed.

 

*******

 

Magnus had his head in his hands the whole ride to the hospital, unable to look at his beloved wrapped up in a plain black body bag. When the paramedics and the doctors at Alicante Hospital tried to move Alec’s body towards the morgue. Magnus refused to let them do it. He WOULD NOT allow them to move his Alec to a cold dark room in one of those miserable cool metallic tables. There was no way. Alec isn’t going anywhere. Magnus would not let them do it.

Tears dripped down his face as he clutched on to Alec’s stretcher as if his life depended on it. Until he felt a warm hand over his painfully clenched grip. Magnus was ready to snap and scream at whoever this person was for touching him and trying to pry him away from Alec. He looked up to find a female doctor with beautiful stormy gray eyes who wore an expression of sadness and grief.

Magnus hesitated for a second. _“Did this woman know Alexander?”_

“It’s time to let go, Magnus.” the woman said softly.

Magnus was taken aback by the fact that this mystery woman knew his name? His confusion was abruptly changed into anger as yelled spitefully in the woman’s face.

“How could you say that? Did you even know him?! Because I did and I will not let Alexander leave me! I will not let him go to that miserable cold desolate place!! I will not let him go where I cannot follow!!!” Magnus screamed emotionally, feeling his heart and the rest of his being slowly break apart from the immense sorrow.

The doctor looked at him as if she was trying to hard not to let tears fall from her eyes. Knowing that it was her job to be professional and become the objective party in the situation, she took a moment to compose herself as she straightened her posture into that of a professional’s.

“Alec is gone.” she stated in stoically. “and he’s never coming back.”

The doctor’s words hit Magnus hard. _“Alec is gone… Alec is gone… Alec is gone…”_ his mind played over and over again. _“and he’s never coming back.”_

Blackness clouded Magnus’s vision as he felt his body go slack.

 

*******

 

Magnus’s eyes fluttered open. The bright lights in the room temporarily blinded him as he blinked to try and regain his sight.

“You’re awake.” said a gentle voice.

Magnus turned his head towards the voice as he recognized the female doctor. Then the memories came flooding back to him.

“Alexander…” Magnus whispered in a broken voice.

“I know… I’m sorry.” she spoke with empathy, all the apathy from before instantly vanishing.

When Magnus had finally calmed himself down enough and accepted the painstaking reality. He asked, “Who are you?”

“My name's Catarina Loss. I'm Alec’s physician and also his close friend.” she said in a melancholy tone, her face scrunching up in sadness. “Let me shed some light on what has been going on.”

Magnus nodded silently gesturing for her to continue.

Catarina took a deep breath as she began to tell her story. “A few months ago, Alec had been diagnosed with an illness called Pulmonary Embolism. It is a very serious illness that occurs if a large blood clot blocks the artery in the lung; the blood flow may be completely stopped, causing excruciating chest pains, shortness of breath, fatigue, and in the worst case scenario… sudden death. I have never seen others in Alec’s case who had lasted so long without treatment.” She paused to control her emotions and breathing as she could feel the tears start to well up in her eyes. “By the time the embolism was discovered, the condition had been too far gone for any real treatment to save his life. So Alec was given a choice to either receive the treatment anyway that might prolong his life but not save it or to live his life free from the hospital until his inevitable demise. I strongly encouraged Alec to stay because I didn’t want my friend to suffer alone and meet his unfortunate fate faster than expected, but he refused to stay. We ultimately came to a compromise that Alec would come visit me at least once a week to receive medication.”

Tears ran down Magnus’ cheeks. How could he not notice! How could he just dismiss the pains he noticed Alec was often having! How could he be so selfish and self-absorbed that he didn’t realize what was going on with his beloved! How could he, the great useless Magnus Bane, until the end, not be of any help to Alec! He was furious at Alec who kept his illness a secret. Magnus was furious at his ignorance. Most of all, Magnus was furious at himself.

Catarina continued her story. “but I…I realized after a while why he was so adamant on not staying. It was because he wasn’t alone... He had you.”

Magnus looked up grievously.

Catarina paused as the emotions got the best of her. “During our weekly sessions, most of the time he would look genuinely happy and content with his situation, which was very strange given his circumstances. Alec would talk about you often, you know. I saw the way his eyes lit up whenever you became the center of our conversations, and that’s when I knew that there was no way I could ever convince him to stay at the hospital. Every week Alec came to see me for his medication, but since a few weeks ago, he stopped appearing. I was of course, very much concerned and worried that something might’ve happened, but I knew that if and when something did happen, I would be alerted immediately. When I heard that Alec had passed, I ran as fast as my legs could carry. Then when I saw someone refusing to let go of the stretcher, I knew it had to be you. The one Alec had mentioned so many times during our weekly checkups.”

At that moment a wave of sadness crashed into Magnus, engulfing him to the point where he cried seemingly never-ending tears for hours as Catarina gladly kept him company.

 

***

 

Finally, after a few hours of overwhelming grief, Magnus gathered the courage to return to Alec’s apartment to find Chairman Meow, their beloved family. He entered the loft and immediately hugged little Chairman who was laying on the ground by the door as if waiting for his owners to return. “Chairman what should I do now? I’m lost.” Magnus said, his voice thickly coated with anguish.

Suddenly Chairman leaped out of his arms and nudged Magnus as if he wanted Magnus to follow him. The insistent cat led Magnus to Alec’s bedroom and jumped on right on top of Alec’s desk drawers. When Magnus opened them his eyes widened in surprise as he discovered various envelopes all addressed to him in the drawer. He didn’t know what to do. After staring at it for a substantial amount of time, he shakily picked up one of the envelopes and pulled out the carefully folded paper. Just looking at the shaky handwriting on the letter broke his heart once more.

 

**_Dear Magnus,_ **

**_By the time you read this letter, it would mean that I would have already gone. I am writing this letter in advance just in case I won’t be able to say goodbye and tell you everything. I know you are probably upset that I did not tell you what was going on with me. I have known about my illness for a while, but I didn’t want to waste what little time I had in a hospital room away from you. I’m sorry for not telling you about my condition, and I’m sorry that you had to find out this way. I wanted to spend more time with you without making you worry. When I was first diagnosed with the clot condition I couldn’t believe it. Catarina, my doctor, and close_ _friend told me that because the pulmonary embolism had already spread quite diversely throughout my body, treatment could prolong my life but it couldn’t save it. The second I heard the news I was crushed. I felt like my life had already ended. I felt like my life had just been stolen from me, and in a sense, it had been, but as I spent more and more time with you every single day, I realized that I never felt more alive. I have never been so happy. Magnus every single day you managed to make my days brighter from the darkness that surrounded me, and I couldn’t be more thankful. Ever since I found out about what was_ _wrong with me, I wanted to tell you. I wanted to tell you so many times. In the beginning, I convinced myself that certain events and circumstances prevented me from telling you; however,_ _after_** **_that_ _, I still had so many chances to tell you, but I was just so happy for once. I was so happy to be with you, and I feared that the_** **_whole_** **_nature of our relationship would shift if I told you. I know it’s selfish of me to say this now, especially since I never got to say it to you in person, but I need to know that I said this to you before I left. I love you, Magnus. I always have. I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you in person. I’m so sorry about everything. Don’t cry too much after I’m gone because I know how emotional you can get. I’m merely a passing cool breez_** _e in_ ** _your very long life.  Everything’s fine. I am happy that this letter was delivered to you. I have no regrets choosing to spend what little time I had with you. Take good care of our Chairman for me and take care of yourself._ **

**_Love,_ **

**_Alexander_ **

Magnus stumbled backwards until he hit the wall and slid down in defeat. Hugging the letters in his arms, he wept violently.

‘ _Alexander… How could you…? I-I finally thought that I found someone who understood me more than anyone. How could you let me be such a fool… a fool that didn’t notice that you were in pain, a fool that didn’t notice that you were silently crying out for help, a fool who couldn’t tell you about his true feelings until you were gone…’_ Magnus sobbed and sobbed until no tears were left to shed.

Magnus meekly pushed himself up off the ground and gathered the letters and gently picked Chairman up off the ground and into his arms. He turned to leave, momentarily pausing as he took one last look around the apartment that he and Alec had spent so much time together in.

 _‘I love you, Alexander~’_ Magnus thought, choking up emotionally as he left the loft closing the door behind him, taking with him all the heartache.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading!! Please leave a comment, and tell me what you thought of the story!! I really love reading your comments~!! Thanks again~ Have wonderful rest of the day~!!

**Author's Note:**

> What did you guys think? Did you like it? Love it? Hate it? Hope you all enjoyed the chapter!! Please leave a comment if you have the time!!


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